the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
