Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
