did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
