If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
