You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
