I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
