remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
