It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
