I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just pee around me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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