I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
