I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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