I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
