Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
