u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
