k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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