i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
