Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
