it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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