Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
