Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
