wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
