i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
