I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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