It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy sore nipples Batman
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
