If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
