My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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