she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize