Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize