what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
