If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
