My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
