If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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