even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize