how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
