he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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