my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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