Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
