please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
