Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
