Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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