Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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