literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
