oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
