i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
