Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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