Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its not stalking. its research.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
