exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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