its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
