the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
