I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
