what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
