his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You need a sexual gate keeper
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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