My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
