you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
