well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
