i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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