Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
not ubering you a puppy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
