Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you will always have a special place in my vag
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
