My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
