the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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