the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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