I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize